There is a Plan
Posted by Trina on August 26th, 2009
A few of you might remember a couple years back when I lost my nephew at two weeks old. I remember how heartbroken and helpless I felt.
Not being in control is not something I handle well. When my nephew passed there wasn't anything I could do to make the pain go away for my family - nothing that I could do that would really console my brother for his great loss. The funeral was truly awful. Baby funerals always are. The outpouring of support from family and friends, while impressive, was almost gruesome.
There were friends true and dear that supported us and eased our pain by sharing in the tragedy and opening their ears and hearts to us and simply listening. Last week, their grand baby passed - he was premature and after a week and a half, he went to heaven. It was horror all over again. The revisited tears of a mother and father who simply could not be comforted and grandparents and sisters that felt helpless in easing the pain.
The funeral was Friday, August 21. Same funeral Home. Same Procession. Same Graveyard. Literally next to my nephews grave.
I was ok - as ok as one can be at that sort of thing. The funeral was respectful and reverent. The procession was solemn. When we got to the grave site the first thing I saw was the teddy bear headstone that adorns my nephews final resting place. I was done.
I watched my dear friends suffer through the same pain they watched us suffer through and could only hope that I offered the same shoulder and support that they offered us. I though about how weird it was that their lost baby was laid to rest next to my family's baby.
The mother of the newly lost child came to me and said, "God must have had a plan to make you guys friends with my parents. To have our babies resting so close together, I know it's hard for you." To have her tell me how hard it must be for me was proof in her strength and will and showed how much she had grown from this tragedy. She comforted all of us in one simple statement. She eased our minds that she was at peace and without saying it reassured all of us that both babies were at peace.
Yes, I think God had a plan. I believe in something greater than us, not any specific thing, but I believe that there was a plan or a destiny that we were all suppose to be there for each other.
Later that evening she came to me again and said, "I'm going to have another baby... It's a girl I can feel her in my heart already." And there was that happy little girl I've known and watch grown up for years, standing in front of me, confiding in me, tested and true, strong in her faith and relationship with her husband. So peaceful.
August 27th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
(*sniffles*) Trina, stories like that make us realize how precious every minute we have alive is…to be able to spend those minutes with the ones we love.
And I agree…God must have another plan for those young ones. And for bringing you all together. As I mentioned in last week’s Top Sites Tuesday post, I believe “everything happens for a reason”. This is just one of those times.
August 29th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
Trina, I do know how terribly hard these losses have been for all concerned…parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins…everyone who is touched by the lives and friendships of family and friends. The death of a child is, in the beginning for sure, incomprehensible bordering on an obscenity. Sorry, but that is my own personal feelings coming into it. My second daughter was stillborn at eight and a half months, my first…and subsequently only…child died in her sleep, pregnant with their first child…the day after her 21st birthday. I heard that to lose a parent one loses his/her past, a spouse his/her present but a child his/her future and for a very long time in my life after Nikki’s death and the loss of what would have been my only grandchild too, that was true…there was ‘no future’. But somehow we put one foot in front of the other and keep going. I don’t know how…or perhaps even why…but we do and there comes a day when we can smile again and know that we experienced the greatest joy in life, even if only for a brief moment. A few months, twenty years…it IS only a moment seems like but I would not trade having had my children for the entire world. And yes, hours or weeks old, twenty or thirty years…we still miss their presence. But…a couple of weeks ago AY “gifted” all of us shirts/skirts. Mine had butterflies and I did tell her I especially loved butterflies though I didn’t say why. Well, every Spring…when the butterlies beging to make their appearance, it never has failed that one will flutter around me, light gently on my arm for a moment then fly off and I know my two girls have come to say “Hi, Mama…” and all is well with my world.
My daughter who was 21yrs. old, died in Scotland and, fortunately or unfortunately (I will never know the answer to that) I was there. She had wanted cremated and her wishes were followed so there is no grave (we had her ashes scattered in the Garden of Remembrance) but I do have a memorial. We named a star for her so as you will imagine, the night sky means a great deal to me. Thank you for sharing and allowing me to do the same.
August 29th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Nancy,
No – Thank you.
Your comment was so beautiful that I will never look at another butterfly the same way, I shall always think of you and your daughters and how in a simple comment you touched my heart and brought a tear to my eye.
Yes, loss is hard, but we do find a way to go on, however I could only wish to be as strong as you after a loss. You amaze me with every post and every comment.
August 29th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
Liggy,
You are right, everything does happen for a reason – it’s figuring out that reason that drives me insane!
August 29th, 2009 at 11:15 pm
Trina, you’re right about the figuring out. I don’t know if this helps but one night, about five months after NIkki died, my late husband asked me if I didn’t ever wonder “Why? Why ours?” Of course I had but I had to tell him I only ever seemed to get one answer…”Why not?”
August 29th, 2009 at 11:33 pm
Yeah, I agree. Every time I look up and say “Why me?” there’s always a deep voice that answers me and says “Why not?” (Sometimes I think it’s the guys though…)
August 29th, 2009 at 11:52 pm
LOLOLOL! Now…you just might be right, there!!